Balance

Our Small Group Book Study

After we attend the church service yesterday, we headed on over to the other side of the church for coffee, donuts, fruit, etc. After a bit of delicious foods, savory drinks, and socialization; we broke up into "small groups" and go through a Christian based book "study", devotionals, discussions, etc. We are going through the book called "Yes, Lord, I Have Sinned But I Have Several Excellent Excuses." This book has brought up some amazing discussion might I add. We were going through (I believe) Chapter 10 and discussion the importance of balance. What makes you feel "balanced" and everything feel "right"? I started off with physical balance. I have to run 1-5 miles in the Fitness Center at school everyday after my Calculus class, whether it's to get my "runner's high" or burn off anger and frustration about the class, or I feel absolutely useless and depressed. Eating a healthy and proper balanced meal is also a very important key for me feeling balanced. I have become so conscious about my physical appearance and weight that it sometimes feels like it controls my day. I'm not sure where it's being back on campus for classes, and seeing all of these overly petite freshmen, the other girls that are running on the treadmills next to me, wanting to feel 'beautiful' and 'desirable' for my husband, or aspiring to look the same I did in high school when I was balancing five sports (track, swim, volleyball, wrestling, and basketball). One of my more important balances is my marriage. My husband is on the road traveling for work a lot, therefore I am home alone. We have 4 dogs, 3 cats, 4 ducks, laying hens, and baby chicks (for butcher) but it simply is not the same as having another human, and not just anyone but my husband, there to be with me. I guess I could blame my mono-phobia on my childhood and the destructive life I was forced to live those 17 years. Pursuing my life long dream of Veterinary Medicine has given me an overly insane passion of animals, especially recently (hence our amount of "circus attendees"). Speak of my career choice, school is the one that if it isn't in balance, then I might as well go back to bed and start again tomorrow. Getting behind in a class or worst case scenario, all of them, is one of my biggest nightmares; along with failing something. Once you get behind, there is no getting back ahead or catching up for that matter. I am a perfectionist and don't need to spend a few hundred dollars to have a doctor tell me that I have OCD or ADHD to know that everything must be PERFECT through my eyes. I have the up most highest expectations of myself and strive to settle for nothing less than an A on anything; whether it be homework, quizzes, tests, exams, labs, etc. But having high standards like that only sets you up for immediate failure if you don't obtain and earn that. It certainly is not impossible but I don't want to be someone who has their face in a textbook 100% of their day. This now leads me to the one subject that if it isn't balanced; my whole world is off key until I find it again. Spirituality/Faith. I have grown in my faith so much ever since I turned 17. No, I didn't wake up on my 17th birthday and scream off the rooftops, "I LOVE JESUS!!!!" I do and always have, it's just the order of events that were controlling/happening during that time. After living in a world of hell for 17 years of abuse (physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally, etc.), when you're finally "freed" from such entrapment, pain, heart-wrenching events, etc; you know that there is only one person, power, and authority that rescued you, Jesus Christ. I literally owe my life to my loving almighty Savior. I had been on the edge of death so many nights, beatings, etc.; that I truly didn't know if I would live to say another prayer, let alone live to see another day. Getting back on track (if you couldn't tell, I get off topic... easily and a lot). Restoring balance for personally myself, is much more than just the difference between being happy and sad; but the difference between whether I can literally function or let my depression take over. I have "adapted" to pray at the end of my journal entries in notebooks at home so I'd like to keep the 'tradition' of doing so with a blog! Lord, you are so mighty and loving. Through you all things are possible! You hold each of us in the palms of your hands and protect us from all of the wrong doing in the world. There are times that we fight through your love and guidance and lose our way, self, and light; leading us down a path of destruction and regret. Thank you for giving us your never ending, unconditional love; and helping us find our way back into those loving hands of yours. Amen.

Knowing and Understanding Me

Tell us about you.... Describe yourself to your readers... Who are you.... These are all excellent questions and every time I read these sentences, I can't help but giggle and think, you have absolutely no idea, wouldn't understand, and couldn't begin to comprehend. So let's keep it simple. My name is Jayme. Not Jamie. Not Jamey. Jayme. I am a woman, wife, and student (hence my web address). I am 21 years young. My family has no part of my life due to their inability to act like responsible family members. I am studying Veterinary Medicine. I aspire to be a Large/Farm Animal Veterinarian (bovine, equine, swine, poultry, etc.). My husband and animals are my world. I have 4 dogs. Maya is a black lab/pit bull mix. She doesn't have nearly ANY pit bull in her (no boxy head, no markings, etc.). She was adopted from the local animal shelter, the day after I had to put down my first dog (Andy [or as my husband likes to say, Mr. Wiener], the dachshund). She is overly affectionate, just like me :). Shadow is an Australian Shepard/Collie/Mix. I found him on the Interstate on my way home from a church event, the day after I adopted Maya. He is EXTREMELY hyper, energetic, playful, and loud; also like me :). He likes to go outside, run around the fields and chase the birds. I started to point at the sky, and go "tweet-tweet" and now he goes crazy when you say "tweet-tweet", and starts looking in the sky. Shadow and Maya have "grown up together" and they are inseparable. Next is Bailey! She is Jack Russel Terrier Mix. She is a few years older than the other dogs. I found her also and ended up keeping her. She is a one person dog it seems (she favors and prefers my husband). She is a quiet dog and keeps to herself most of the time. She doesn't like when the others are barking, running around, playing, etc. I call her the old lady of the bunch because she doesn't like to have fun. But boy oh boy when you get the four wheeler out, she loves to chase it! The last dog is Toby! He is a beast! A mammoth. A tank. A solid dog. He is a pit bull/terrier mix. He is certainly 100% pit bull. He has a VERY boxy head, gigantic paws, and uncontrollable tongue that seems to be a mile long. He is 100% muscle and very lean. I love the picture I posted of him below, it always makes me feel better when I look at that picture. I adopted him from the Animal Shelter also. The day I took him home, the rest of the pups in his litter were euthanized for "aggressive behavior". His mother was also euthanized for the exact same thing. Absolutely broke my heart. How can you euthanized an 8 week old puppy just because he was playing "rough" with another puppy?! Still breaks my heart and blows me away. We also have 3 cats. They were all strays, that started with me throwing them some table scraps outside and now they are inside. "Fuzzy Grey" is pregnant and about to have her kittens any day. I am excited to take her to the vet afterwards to be spayed!!! But glad to know that with her being in my home, I can prevent her from getting pregnant anymore. There are far too many animals already out there that need to be adopted from shelters and rescues. We have 4 ducks, three of them are female and one is a male. I love them, they are so entertaining to watch. Whenever is snows, rains, etc. they love splashing or flapping in the water. They love swimming in their pool/pond. We also have laying hens and they are very tame. We have one rooster and I'm glad he rounds them up every night and takes them back to the chicken house so I don't have to go out there in the dark and chase them there. I recently got my spring order of chicks (52 of them but we 'lost' a few). The will be ready to be butchered this summer, after classes are done for the spring semester. I love knowing what my food eats, where it comes from, how it was treated, etc. My husband chops the heads off and I don't mind doing the rest. As you can tell, I could talk about my animals forever, and they all have individual personalities that I love (even all 65 of the chickens); I couldn't imagine doing anything other in this world than being a Veterinarian. This for the most part sums up my life and who I am... at least all that is worth knowing and means something to me now. I love to pray so I'd like to close this entry with a prayer. Dear Lord, you have blessed my life in more ways than I ever thought to be possible. You rescued me from a life of pain and have given my a life of love and for that I will always be grateful and never take advantage of it. I look to please you everyday and love you unconditionally. Amen.

Andy

Bailey

Maya (left), Shadow (right), Bailey (in cage)

Shadow

Toby (AKA: Tank)

Story of my Life.