Balance

Our Small Group Book Study

After we attend the church service yesterday, we headed on over to the other side of the church for coffee, donuts, fruit, etc. After a bit of delicious foods, savory drinks, and socialization; we broke up into "small groups" and go through a Christian based book "study", devotionals, discussions, etc. We are going through the book called "Yes, Lord, I Have Sinned But I Have Several Excellent Excuses." This book has brought up some amazing discussion might I add. We were going through (I believe) Chapter 10 and discussion the importance of balance. What makes you feel "balanced" and everything feel "right"? I started off with physical balance. I have to run 1-5 miles in the Fitness Center at school everyday after my Calculus class, whether it's to get my "runner's high" or burn off anger and frustration about the class, or I feel absolutely useless and depressed. Eating a healthy and proper balanced meal is also a very important key for me feeling balanced. I have become so conscious about my physical appearance and weight that it sometimes feels like it controls my day. I'm not sure where it's being back on campus for classes, and seeing all of these overly petite freshmen, the other girls that are running on the treadmills next to me, wanting to feel 'beautiful' and 'desirable' for my husband, or aspiring to look the same I did in high school when I was balancing five sports (track, swim, volleyball, wrestling, and basketball). One of my more important balances is my marriage. My husband is on the road traveling for work a lot, therefore I am home alone. We have 4 dogs, 3 cats, 4 ducks, laying hens, and baby chicks (for butcher) but it simply is not the same as having another human, and not just anyone but my husband, there to be with me. I guess I could blame my mono-phobia on my childhood and the destructive life I was forced to live those 17 years. Pursuing my life long dream of Veterinary Medicine has given me an overly insane passion of animals, especially recently (hence our amount of "circus attendees"). Speak of my career choice, school is the one that if it isn't in balance, then I might as well go back to bed and start again tomorrow. Getting behind in a class or worst case scenario, all of them, is one of my biggest nightmares; along with failing something. Once you get behind, there is no getting back ahead or catching up for that matter. I am a perfectionist and don't need to spend a few hundred dollars to have a doctor tell me that I have OCD or ADHD to know that everything must be PERFECT through my eyes. I have the up most highest expectations of myself and strive to settle for nothing less than an A on anything; whether it be homework, quizzes, tests, exams, labs, etc. But having high standards like that only sets you up for immediate failure if you don't obtain and earn that. It certainly is not impossible but I don't want to be someone who has their face in a textbook 100% of their day. This now leads me to the one subject that if it isn't balanced; my whole world is off key until I find it again. Spirituality/Faith. I have grown in my faith so much ever since I turned 17. No, I didn't wake up on my 17th birthday and scream off the rooftops, "I LOVE JESUS!!!!" I do and always have, it's just the order of events that were controlling/happening during that time. After living in a world of hell for 17 years of abuse (physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally, etc.), when you're finally "freed" from such entrapment, pain, heart-wrenching events, etc; you know that there is only one person, power, and authority that rescued you, Jesus Christ. I literally owe my life to my loving almighty Savior. I had been on the edge of death so many nights, beatings, etc.; that I truly didn't know if I would live to say another prayer, let alone live to see another day. Getting back on track (if you couldn't tell, I get off topic... easily and a lot). Restoring balance for personally myself, is much more than just the difference between being happy and sad; but the difference between whether I can literally function or let my depression take over. I have "adapted" to pray at the end of my journal entries in notebooks at home so I'd like to keep the 'tradition' of doing so with a blog! Lord, you are so mighty and loving. Through you all things are possible! You hold each of us in the palms of your hands and protect us from all of the wrong doing in the world. There are times that we fight through your love and guidance and lose our way, self, and light; leading us down a path of destruction and regret. Thank you for giving us your never ending, unconditional love; and helping us find our way back into those loving hands of yours. Amen.